is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
