once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
