Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
