You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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