direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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