So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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