So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
