You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
