so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
