Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
