I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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