We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
