I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
