nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
