woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
