I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
