There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
