she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
