Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
