he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
