Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
