he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
