Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
