just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
