are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
