i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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