I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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