everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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