I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
