everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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