Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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