I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
