I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
