I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
