What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
