he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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