he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
