She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
