she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
