i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
