Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
