somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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