i just had sex bonerless
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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