she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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