It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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