Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
