So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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