She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
