Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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