update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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