You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
