did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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