Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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