Sober January is a disaster.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
