Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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