she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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